Well, starting out, my name is Jennifer and this is my first post. My boyfriend is in the United States Navy, lives far away from me, and its driving me insane! I knew it would be hard but man, I had no idea! lol His name is Pete and he left to go play "war games" for three weeks. This is the longest so far that him and I have gone without talking to one another since him and I met. Which was July of 05. It was really crazy...the day that him and I met that is. I really never believed in love at first sight, but that is exactly what it was. We met through a friend from my work, thank God for her! And we have been talking since June 12th I think, and we've been dating since July 1st of this year. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I really never thought I would ever meet anyone as wonderful as him. I have to admit that I have been through some pretty messed up bad relationships. And this one is so just the complete opposite of that and its wonderful. Other than he's far away from me, but thats all a part of loving someone in the military. I know I'm tough, so I can handle that. And I also know that anything worth having, isn't easy. (I keep telling myself that! lol) I just wish that I could talk with someone that can understand me and relate with me somehow. I feel so alone most of the time. Its like I could be in a room full of people that love and care about me, but if he's not a part of it, it just dosent even matter. Or I just feel completely alone. Like there's no one out there to understand me, or no one that wants to hear me talk about things...I just dont know what to do really. I miss him so much, and I want nothing more than to be with him, for now and for always. But thats just not in the cards right now. He leaves for his second tour to Iraq in Feb. or March. I am so scared...I wish to God he didnt have to go, but I know that he does. But it scares the crap out of me. And whenever I talk to people or type things...I always feel like im rambling on and on and repeating myself and I probably am, but I always feel like no one is really even listening. Or that no one really knows how I feel and what's going on. I know that when he leaves for Iraq Im going to be an emotional wreck. I just hope to God that those 6-7 months fly by. And it would just help alot to have someone around that understands me. or will just listen to me babble from time to time.
Ive kind of done it to myself, but I have had to cut ties with alot of my "friends". you know, people that call themselves your friends but are really only out to use you? Or those friends that make stupid decisions that you completely dont agree with so you have to cut your ties with them? Yeah, that happened with quite a few of my friends. And it just sucks. The two best friends that I do have still, their names are Jen and Crissy, and they are both in happy, good relationships, and I am so happy for them. But to be honest...It almost makes me sick to see them with their boyfriends. Im sure its because Im jealous, I know thats it, but I suppose thats normal too...ugh...it just sucks. So basically, I dont hang out with them unless I know that its just going to be "girl time". I'm trying to not think that Im being selfish, but In a sense I know that I am. I cant help it. I just wish I could be happy like that too, and I know that one day I will be....BUT I just wish I could have it all now. I dunno......its just hard and it would be nice to find another friend, another female that I could relate with. someone that understands me I suppose. I live all alone to boot so I have no one to sit and talk with really buy my two cats, Pandora and Athena. They really dont have much to say about the whole thing, other than I know that they like Pete, and they know when Im sad. And it makes me sad to think that I might have to get rid of one of them...Pandora likes to pee on everything I accidentally leave on the floor or anywhere else for that matter...even if I just set it down for a second. And that is just not cool! ARG!!! lol someone please tell me when things start to get a little bit easier!! lol Ah, Im just feeling sorry for myself again, I do that alot lately lol. At any rate, I have to get some sleep here...I have to get up early and FINALLY get a stupid oil change for my truck. Then I have to call a few places back about other job options for myself. (I work in a warehouse as a lead supervisor. I do too much work and really dont get paid enough for it I think.) That and someday when I have kids, I dont think that working second shift in a warehouse is going to cut it too well....that and the stress from my work I dont know if id even survive being pregnant! lol I hope to hear back from someone! I hope life treats everyone well...God Bless you all, and God Bless our troops! Bring em home safe! *PS Pete~If you read this, I love you with all my heart and I miss you so much! XOXOXO All my love!!*
Wishing Pete was here with me now,