Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Well here's a little update! Pete called me tonight at work!! And then he called again when I got home!!!! I was sooooooo happy! its so funny how something so simple can make a person SOOO inredibly happy! I suppose that when you never get to see someone, simple things like that can make your day! I got so mad though....he called me while I was just getting ready to leave work....and my boss had the never to say "Hey! no cell phones in the warehouse! Tell Pete not to call you when you're at work!" God I wanted to slap the crap outta him! All I said was, "Come on man! I havent talked to him in almost three weeks! And its the end of the night Im supposed to be out of here anyways! And its not like the cell phone is going to "mess" with the system here now, everything is shut off!" And I walked away. I dont understand. Some people just dont get it. My boss gets to go home to his wife everynight. He can talk to her whenever he wants to. He know's that she's not too far away. But I have to sit here, while my boyfriend is doing his training, and wonder, if he's okay, where he is, when he's going to be back....and all that stuff. Some people are just insensitive I think. Especially where I work. I bust my butt 24/7/365 you know? So I break the rules from time to time. Dont you think that would be an exception? What a killjoy. I think he just likes to try and make everyone else miserable for some reason. Cant stand to see anyone happy. Well, this simple little phone call just absolutely MADE my night. No one can ruin that or take that away from me!!! I love him so much......and I just cant wait to hold him again......just to hold him would be heaven. Soon, soon, I just have to come up with $200.00 lol. Ive been working a heck of a lot of evertime, I should be able to come up with it. *Prays* lol! And this will be the last time I get to go out to CA before Pete leaves for the "Big Sandbox" again. So its not a matter of will I get out there, its a matter of I HAVE TO GET OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!! lol That and with the airline prices going up and up and up, I have to get out there while I can still afford to. Well, time for me to go check my checking account balance lol and then get some sleep! Gnite everyone!! *HUGS* and much love!!

Oh yeah! I got an email from an awesome girl named Jeni, she's going through almost the same thing as me.....we have a lot in common so far! Its nice to know that someone out there does read these posts, and its so nice to know that Im not alone out here in the world. Me and my lonely heart.

"Anything that is worth having, is never easy to get....and good things come to those who wait!" Aint it the truth!?!?

*Counting down the days Till I get to hold Pete in my arms again!*
PS~~~~~Happy Birthday honey!!!! I love you!!!! And I miss you lots!!!!

Monday, October 31, 2005

Well that was annoying....trying to post, had a whole entire novel written up here and my aol had a hissyfit. nice huh? Now Im too mad to write lol, well, only 9 days left and Ill be able to talk to my baby again! I cant wait to talk to him again! And to see him again hopefully for the Marine Corps Ball.

you know, some people ask me some really stupid questions....I really dont understand how they can even ask me the things they do, but they do. Here's a few of them, and I quote; "How can you stand the lonliness?" "Why dont you just cheat on him if you feel lonely?" "Do you ever think about cheating on him?" "Would you ever cheat on him?" "Why even deal with it if it makes you so sad?" And so on and so forth. Can you believe the audacity? My gosh! For one thing, I love him with everything that I am. For two, the very backbone of a strong soldier is a strong family. So its part of my job to be tough for him. I have to be strong, and I already know that I am...and there's no one else in the world I want to be strong for other than him! While my man is fighting for everyone's freedom, Being tough for him is the LEAST I can do! And as for the being lonely part. If its not him that I have by my side, id much rather be lonely. No one can even come close to compare to him....I dont know how I ever considered myself to be happy before he was in my life. I have been in so many screwed up relationships with all the lies and cheating. And I am DONE with all that crap! Its wonderful being in a normal relationship, I trust him with all my heart. I have no reason not to trust him, so why in the heck would I ever do anything to break his trust with me?! No way no how. I could and would never EVER do that to him! Id die first....and thats a promise!
Well, now that Ive vented about that one, I feel much better lol. But my fingers hurt frome typing lol.....time for me to get some sleep...or try to anyway. Gnite all!

*Missing Pete more with each passing second*

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Well here I am...even with the time change being set back an hour...Its about 4:30am. I got about 45 minutes of sleep the night before. Once again having problems sleeping. Nothing new really, happens from time to time. I know its not healthy, but it passes. I only have 9 days left and Pete will be back so I can at least talk to him again! God I can't wait to hear his voice! It's so funny how something so simple as a phone call can make a person SO incredibly happy.
But what's sad is how bummed I am now all of a sudden. The first few days that he was gone was the worst. Had to get used to not having my wake up call, and not having him call me when he went on his lunch break, and then of course me calling him and waking him up when I got home from work. :) He's so tolerant. I just miss him alot. Its normal I know. I just sometimes wonder if I'm the only person that feels like this. I feel like all I just don't want to do anything at all. But I know that makes time go by all the slower. Makes time just crawl by, and we all know that's not a good thing. Not when you want time to fly by instead. I guess I'm just worried about what Ill do when he actually IS back in Iraq. I know I'll go about my normal life, get up in the mornings/afternoons, go to work, have game night once a week with my friends, play with my cats Athena and Pandora, visit friends and family and all that. (Speaking of my cats, Pandora I think is broken of her bad habit, I got a second litter box and she liked that idea...so this is a good thing! I didn't want to have to seperate the sisters, they are so cute and they do keep me busy! well, that and I love them lots too!! lol) Anyways....
I just try so hard to keep myself busy, even if its just housecleaning or doing the dishes...my gosh even cleaning out the litter boxes lol ANYTHING just to keep me busy! I just wish that I could get into contact with some people that have the same problem that I do so I dont feel all alone I suppose. When Pete is in Iraq, I just pray to God that he stays safe, that God keeps him in his hands, and that those 6-7 months FLY by as fast as they can!!! I can't wait till thats all over with. Then NO MORE! No more deployments! (There BETTER be no more anyway! lol) Anyways, I should go get some sleep...Im getting a headache from staring at this screen.

Missing Pete more every passing day,

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Well, only two weeks left now as of today till Pete comes back from war games! I cant wait! I never thought I could miss someone this much. Well, okay, I knew I could because he's someone special :) Its so boring here without him though. Even without his phone calls its just....well....blah. I miss the wakeup calls. I havent been able to wake up like I used to when he would call me to make sure that I was awake. Yeah I know its sappy, but its true. That and I miss calling him every night when I get home from work just to say goodnight...speaking of goodnight, its almost freaking 4:30am. I should get some sleep! Even though its too cold here now to have to sleep alone....good thing I have my cats lol. I can hear my neighbor snoring too....wow, I feel bad for his wife/girlfriend lol. Until next time, its bed time for me. (4:30am bedtime...That is what second shift does to you! lol

Monday, October 24, 2005

Here's the first post!

Well, starting out, my name is Jennifer and this is my first post. My boyfriend is in the United States Navy, lives far away from me, and its driving me insane! I knew it would be hard but man, I had no idea! lol His name is Pete and he left to go play "war games" for three weeks. This is the longest so far that him and I have gone without talking to one another since him and I met. Which was July of 05. It was really crazy...the day that him and I met that is. I really never believed in love at first sight, but that is exactly what it was. We met through a friend from my work, thank God for her! And we have been talking since June 12th I think, and we've been dating since July 1st of this year. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I really never thought I would ever meet anyone as wonderful as him. I have to admit that I have been through some pretty messed up bad relationships. And this one is so just the complete opposite of that and its wonderful. Other than he's far away from me, but thats all a part of loving someone in the military. I know I'm tough, so I can handle that. And I also know that anything worth having, isn't easy. (I keep telling myself that! lol) I just wish that I could talk with someone that can understand me and relate with me somehow. I feel so alone most of the time. Its like I could be in a room full of people that love and care about me, but if he's not a part of it, it just dosent even matter. Or I just feel completely alone. Like there's no one out there to understand me, or no one that wants to hear me talk about things...I just dont know what to do really. I miss him so much, and I want nothing more than to be with him, for now and for always. But thats just not in the cards right now. He leaves for his second tour to Iraq in Feb. or March. I am so scared...I wish to God he didnt have to go, but I know that he does. But it scares the crap out of me. And whenever I talk to people or type things...I always feel like im rambling on and on and repeating myself and I probably am, but I always feel like no one is really even listening. Or that no one really knows how I feel and what's going on. I know that when he leaves for Iraq Im going to be an emotional wreck. I just hope to God that those 6-7 months fly by. And it would just help alot to have someone around that understands me. or will just listen to me babble from time to time.
Ive kind of done it to myself, but I have had to cut ties with alot of my "friends". you know, people that call themselves your friends but are really only out to use you? Or those friends that make stupid decisions that you completely dont agree with so you have to cut your ties with them? Yeah, that happened with quite a few of my friends. And it just sucks. The two best friends that I do have still, their names are Jen and Crissy, and they are both in happy, good relationships, and I am so happy for them. But to be honest...It almost makes me sick to see them with their boyfriends. Im sure its because Im jealous, I know thats it, but I suppose thats normal too...ugh...it just sucks. So basically, I dont hang out with them unless I know that its just going to be "girl time". I'm trying to not think that Im being selfish, but In a sense I know that I am. I cant help it. I just wish I could be happy like that too, and I know that one day I will be....BUT I just wish I could have it all now. I dunno......its just hard and it would be nice to find another friend, another female that I could relate with. someone that understands me I suppose. I live all alone to boot so I have no one to sit and talk with really buy my two cats, Pandora and Athena. They really dont have much to say about the whole thing, other than I know that they like Pete, and they know when Im sad. And it makes me sad to think that I might have to get rid of one of them...Pandora likes to pee on everything I accidentally leave on the floor or anywhere else for that matter...even if I just set it down for a second. And that is just not cool! ARG!!! lol someone please tell me when things start to get a little bit easier!! lol Ah, Im just feeling sorry for myself again, I do that alot lately lol. At any rate, I have to get some sleep here...I have to get up early and FINALLY get a stupid oil change for my truck. Then I have to call a few places back about other job options for myself. (I work in a warehouse as a lead supervisor. I do too much work and really dont get paid enough for it I think.) That and someday when I have kids, I dont think that working second shift in a warehouse is going to cut it too well....that and the stress from my work I dont know if id even survive being pregnant! lol I hope to hear back from someone! I hope life treats everyone well...God Bless you all, and God Bless our troops! Bring em home safe! *PS Pete~If you read this, I love you with all my heart and I miss you so much! XOXOXO All my love!!*

Wishing Pete was here with me now,